who am i

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july. 2007. indiana.

age 19, diary

who am i 

to say these things?

have I changed so much that I find a man who loves me through it all

and I tell him

love is [not] all that matters

..then what does?

where is the girl who enjoys her last summer in her hometown?

fireflies • river • swimming
drive-ins • BBQ • stars
campfires • pickups
silence • prayers

(who is this woman so ready to leave?)
where is she wanting to go?

have I really traded all this in for city lights & shiny cars
and having the newest baby accessories?

who am I
to make the
CHOICE
of becoming a mother?

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

abandon all the beautiful qualities that have always made me
‘the perfect girl to marry, if i was ready…’

just give up my nurturing, peaceful, tolerating, patient attitude

just give it up

for what,
selfish, expired 
washed out
~*dream*~
of going to art school

and living,
my own dangerous, mysterious life?

haven’t I always wanted nothing more than to be a mother?
why now do i decide to change my mind?
who am i to worry about $$?
me?

how can i expect you to provide for me if I cannot nurture you?

A CHILD AND A HOME NEED

♥LOVE♥

[all else follows]

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i am to be the giver

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