july. 2007. indiana.
age 19, diary
who am i
to say these things?
have I changed so much that I find a man who loves me through it all
and I tell him
love is [not] all that matters
..then what does?
where is the girl who enjoys her last summer in her hometown?
fireflies • river • swimming
drive-ins • BBQ • stars
campfires • pickups
silence • prayers
(who is this woman so ready to leave?)
where is she wanting to go?
have I really traded all this in for city lights & shiny cars
and having the newest baby accessories?
who am I
to make the
of becoming a mother?
THIS TOO SHALL PASS
abandon all the beautiful qualities that have always made me
‘the perfect girl to marry, if i was ready…’
just give up my nurturing, peaceful, tolerating, patient attitude
just give it up
a selfish, expired
of going to art school
my own dangerous, mysterious life?
haven’t I always wanted nothing more than to be a mother?
why now do i decide to change my mind?
who am i to worry about $$?
how can i expect you to provide for me if I cannot nurture you?
A CHILD AND A HOME NEED
[all else follows]
i am to be the giver