Why do you not allow comments on your posts?

Because I am a selfish attention whore that obviously just wants you to swallow my opinion, and fucking like it.

Or because I’ve found that without a comment button, people tend to remember they are talking to a real human being if they take the time to email me or share their thoughts. The interactions are genuine and for me, connection is what it’s all about. I love the messages thanking me for making someone feel like they are not alone. Because you aren’t.

Our phones are figuratively or literally in our pockets every waking moment. Our social media accounts are connected to our phones. If you need your own soapbox, use that. If you want to connect with me, same. I check my tweet notifications the same as you do, and sometimes I even remember to reply to shit in a timely and socially acceptable manner.

Would you like to review my product? 

Unless it’s one of my favorite vices, probably not. See: Whiskey, Bacon, Coffee, Nicotine, Chocolate, Orgasms, and a couple unmentionables. 

Oh, and if you’re typing “We love your awesome mommy blog and think it will be a perfect fit for _____” please for the love of fucking god read this first.

Did you seriously kidnap your own children and leave your husband dying of cancer to be with your boyfriend?

Couple of options:

1.) I can let you know when the book comes out.
2.) You can tag me in a Facebook post letting me know how generally superior you believe yourself to be.

Is the language necessary?

Fuck you.

But like…what’s wrong with you? 

When you figure it out, please do let me know via snarky analytical facebook comment. It will probably save my children a lot of money in therapy down the road.